


Unrequited (Q1 2010)

by Hyogacamus1984



Series: 青春アミーゴ (Seishun Amigo) [25]
Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 04:39:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11120094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyogacamus1984/pseuds/Hyogacamus1984





	Unrequited (Q1 2010)

“Hey.” Chinen says as he moves and sits down next to Yamada right at the back as they head towards NHK hall. Yamada takes his headphones off his ears and turns to look at Chinen, both of them still in their uniform.  
“I thought you left straight from school.” Chinen says.  
“I did. I got picked up and they said they have to make one more stop. That’s you?” Yamada asks. “You weren’t in school today.”  
“Doctor’s appointment.” Chinen says, pointing at his knees. “Don’t want these to be ruined, I am not even 20 yet. Also, onechan has moved to Tokyo, and I am probably going to move in with her.”  
“They let you? Even though you’re not an adult yet?” Yamada asks.  
“Well they can’t stop me from living with my sister. Besides, I am in the share house during the week anyway, I just won’t be in there for the weekend.” Chinen says. “On the other hand, if onechan has to work then I’ll probably still be in the share house. Having onechan around just means that I have family closer and I won’t be hijacking any of your families.”  
“We don’t feel like you hijacked our families.” Yamada answers. “Our families love you, espeically Okamoto-san.”  
“Same difference.” Chinen says. “Where’s Yutti? Is he not in school?”  
“Don’t know.”  
“Are we the only two that’s being picked up?”  
“I think so.” Yamada says as he looks out of the window.  
“Excellent. We have a good hour to talk.” Chinen says. Yamada looks at him in horror. “Don’t be scared Ryosuke, you know this talk has been pending for quite some time.”  
“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Yamada says, wanting to put his headphones back on but Chinen stops him.  
“You know damn well what I am talking about.” Chinen answers. Yamada keeps his head turned towards the window and his eyes on the road.  
“No I don’t.”  
“Yes you do.” Chinen says. “The three of us used to inseparable. Now the three musketeers has become partner-in-crime. The three of us don’t even hang out in school anymore.”  
“I hang out with you all the time.” Chinen smirks. “I am hardly in school.” Yamada says. “And neither are you.”  
“That’s beside the point.” Chinen argues. “And you know that.”

Yamada sighs.

“He doesn’t talk to me in school or outside work and even when we are working he just about tolerates me.” Yamada sulks. “I don’t think there is anything to talk about.”  
“So you DO know we need to talk about THAT.” Chinen smirks.  
“What else? The situation is making working together uncomfortable but he’s such a good actor he manages to keep all the staff in the dark.” Yamada sighs.  
“I can promise you, you aren’t the one making the situation uncomfortable.” Chinen says, patting Yamada on his leg. “Yutti doesn’t talk to me unless he absolutely has to. He’s built up this wall round him and it’s impenetrable, unless you are Kota or Keito. But that’s only because Kota really really cares for Yutti and doesn’t stop even if Yutti pushes him away and Keito just doesn’t get annoyed with anybody because he has a patient of a saint and is completely oblivious with exactly what is happening, which I am sure is a blessing in disguised. And it’s difficult to get angry with Keito because there’s nothing to get angry about.” Yamada smirks at that because he has gotten angry with Keito on multiple occasions, and that’s because he is too easygoing. “Even Hikaru is getting frustrated with Yutti and his mood swings and threatens to punch him in the face. He’s already refused to be alone in a room with Yutti. Dai-chan and Inoo-chan just avoid him in general unless it is necessary to talk to him, and Yuya is just… Yuya. He’s a lone wolf anyway.”  
“They aren’t just mood swings. He gets down time every now and then and the schedule doesn’t give him enough time to recover.” Chinen looks at him with a raised eyebrow as if to say ‘you are making excuses for him now’. “There’s nothing I can do Chii.” Yamada says finally. “The best way to deal with this is for me to not do anything about it and hope for the best. Maybe eventually this will pass.”

*

Yuto is the first one to get to NHK Hall. He knows because no one is on stage rehearsing and no one is in the dressing room.  
And he’s not got a lot on his plate anyway.  
It’s even quieter than normal, because even the staffs hadn’t gotten here yet.  
He pulls out the pad from his bag and his trusty mechanical pencil that is tucked in the spiral binding and starts scribing away. 

“Yuto?” He turns his head and Yabu is walking into the dressing room.  
“You’re early.”  
“Not as early as you. I came straight from uni, I got nothing to do.” Yabu smiles. “You okay there?”  
“Yeah.” Yuto answers, put his pad and pencil away.  
“Something you don’t want me to read?” Yabu asks, sitting down next to Yuto. “Are you okay?” Yuto doesn’t answer, he forces his lips upwards to smile at Yabu. “It’s better to let it out than keeping it in, you know.” Yuto shrugs. “Still not wanting to talk to anyone?”  
“I don’t really have much to say.”  
“You were never a quiet child.”  
“I think maybe it’s time to mellow out? I think I have made enough noises as a kid.” Yuto stands up before taking his drum sticks from his bag and walks out of the room.

Yabu shakes his head and sighs, and sees the pad that Yuto was scribbling on, poking out from his bag where he didn’t zip it up. Yabu looks around the room and make sure no one is around. Yabu slides the pad out. The pad is filled with phases, random words and doodles.  
Also bits of their schedule, dates and timetable and of course, when his homework is due.  
One of the phases catches Yabu’s eyes.

Takaku takaku  
Motto Takaku

Yabu closes the pad and puts it back into Yuto’s bag, zip the thing up and lifts it onto a chair before anybody falls over it (and catches sight of the notepad).

*

Yamada and Chinen get into their dressing room together, Keito is on the guitar and Hikaru on the base. Yabu is standing right behind them humming away on the melody that the two of them were playing. Yuya is attempting to teach and help Ryutaro with his homework but he isn’t having any of it. Dai-Chan and Inoo are nowhere to be seen. 

“Yuto-kun isn’t here yet?” Yamada asks.  
“On stage.” Hikaru says, smirking as Yamada addressed him as ‘Yuto-kun’. “At least I saw him on stage when I came in - rehearsing his drums.” Yamada drops his bag and wanders outside.  
“Hopeless case.” Chinen mumbles.  
“Did you manage to talk some sense into him?” Yabu asks.  
“Talk, yes; sense, no.” Chinen sighs. “You?” Yabu shakes his head.  
“Yuto doesn’t want to talk. I did find something though.” Yabu says. They all look up at Yabu. “Yuto wrote some beautiful words.”  
“He hasn’t missed a day of school for the last three months. He is like… top of our class.” Chinen says.  
“I thought you were?” Keito asks.  
“Not when I am working 12 hours a day and spending 7 at school and the other 5 sleeping.” Chinen answers. “He’s got time on his hands – and I mean it in a very good way, and definitely not showing off.”  
“He’s trying to breakthrough his walls.” Yabu sighs. “Just give him some time and the old Yuto will come back.”  
“Problem is, as much as I love Yuto, he might break us before we have a chance to let him break through his walls.” Yuya sighs.  
“Well, there are more than enough of us to take the pressure.” Hikaru smiles from where he is sitting. “I know I threatened to punch his face a few times and I avoid being in a room with him alone, but he’s still my little brother from a different mother, and I know deep down the old Yuto is there, we just have to wait for him to come back.” Everybody nod. 

*

Yamada watches Yuto on the drums from the side of the stage, away from everybody. He doesn’t need anybody to know he enjoys watching Yuto doing anything. There’s just something mesmerising about Yuto when he is concentrating. Yuto, drumming away and confirming the sound with the stage staff, not realising that someone is watching him. He remembered what Yuto has said once during the MC at their concert.

This is my special place. My special seat where I can see everybody in JUMP and all the fans. 

Yamada thinks Yuto shouldn’t be hidden behind the drums. Yuto should be right in the front, at the centre, with him.  
“Yamada-san.” Someone calls out his name. Yuto turns his head and sees him standing there, still in his t-shirt and jeans and beanie in his head.  
“Domo...” Yamada says.  
“You come at a good time. Can we rehearse your solo?” Yuto picks up his drumsticks and stands up.  
“Is it okay for me to go and get ready now?” Yuto asks.  
“Of course Nakajima-san.” The staff answers. “Thank you.” Yuto smiles and heads towards Yamada. He feels his heart rate raises, but Yuto walks right past Yamada without saying a word. Yamada can’t help but slumps his shoulder a bit, he shakes his head and heads towards the staff. He can’t let this get in his way. He is a professional and he has work to do. 

*

Shounen Club is always a relief for JUMP because it’s the stage where they grew up, the stage that they are comfortable with and knows like the back of their hands.  
Shounen Club is their safety blanket.  
And their old-selves tend to show through, especially they know it’s only a matter of time until they can’t appear on Shounen club anymore. Keito leaves straight after filming because he promised to meet up for dinner with his mum. Yamada, Chinen and Hikaru are off to film School Gakumei and their manager is hurrying them but Chinen isn’t paying much attention. Yabu is going back to the university library because he has forgotten to pick up a few books that he will need for his paper. Dai-chan has been rushed to the studio because he still hasn’t finished recording his vocals. Ryutaro is bugging Inoo about some maths homework (that Yuya attempted to teach him earlier) and the two of them look like they will be there for a while.  
Yuto is about to pick up his bag and leave the dressing room with one last goodbye when Yuya throws his arm round his shoulder just before he gets to the back door.

“Wanna go grab some food together?” Yuya asks. “I’ll drive you home afterwards.”  
“Thank you, but I need to go home.” Yuto answers. “I’ve got a test coming up.”  
“It’s the weekend tomorrow and you’ve only just started the new school year a few months ago.” Yuya says. Yuto keeps walking and waves his hand without turning to look at Yuya. “Yuto, don’t shut us out.”  
But Yuto has already left. 

*

“Yamada.” Hikaru says. Chinen is getting his makeup done, and Yamada is sitting on the sofa, nodding off.  
“Yeah?”  
“You looked drained.” Hikaru says. Yamada looks up. “Is Yuto again, isn’t it?”  
“It’s nothing.” Yamada answers. “It’s stupid.”  
“Falling in love is not stupid.”  
“I haven’t fallen in love with Yuto.” Yamada says.  
“Well, don’t then.” Hikaru says. “You’ll only get hurt.”  
“I don’t think it’s something I can help if I am falling in love.” Yamada smiles sadly. ”Right now, I just don’t like to see him so...”  
“Angry?” Hikaru prompts.  
“In a way I want to know why he isn’t talking to me.” Yamada says.  
“He’s not talking to most of us.” Hikaru smirks. “Just give him some time, don’t push it.”  
“I am not pushing anything. I can’t.” Yamada answers. “I can only push it if he is actually paying any attention on me.” Neither of them says anything. “I don’t think I matter to him anymore. We were best friends.”  
“Does it hurt?” Hikaru asks. Yamada nods. 

*

Yuto is not sure if it’s a good thing that he lives in close proximity of Yamada. He sees Yamada at the share house, at school and at ‘work’ already and he can’t even escape when he gets home.  
On days where he just wants to be outside to be on his own, there is always a chance to walk into someone from the Yamada family. He is sitting on the swings and his pad and pencil in his hand when he hears his name.  
Yamada.  
Yuto sighs and looks up to the sky.  
It’s a Saturday.  
It’s a Saturday that he doesn’t have to work (It’s happening more and more recently and he isn’t sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing).  
It’s only the beginning of the school year, he just wanted one day without having to see him, is it too much to ask for?

“Hey.” Yamada says, sitting in the empty swing next to him, facing a different way. “No plans with your Raiya?”  
“He’s gone to a friend’s birthday thing.” Yuto says. “I need some quiet time.”  
“Oh.” Yamada says. He isn’t sure if Yuto is pushing him away or not. 

Yuto puts down his pad on the ground and starts to push himself on the swing, and Yamada follows him. As the two of them swing back and forth, Yamada notice the notepad has flipped out from the wind that they created, and that there are words written all over the pages.  
He has recently tried contact lenses, and he is impressed by how much you can see without wearing his glasses.

Tooku tooku motto tooku  
Karakamade toberu hazu sa

“Ne Yuto-kun.” Yamada says.  
“Yeah?” Yuto answers unconsciously. Yuto doesn’t want to make it too obvious that he doesn’t want to talk to people. At the end of the day, he still really really likes Yamada, he’s just not his favourite person right now.  
“Why did you stop talking to me?” Yamada asks. Yuto’s legs stop working and drag on the ground which stops the swings.  
“I think I better go home. I have been out for a while.” Yuto says, picks up his notepad and his pencil and practically runs away from Yamada. Yamada sighs and slow down on the swing himself before heading home. 

Why is Yuto running away from him?

*

“You look like shit.” Chihiro says as he walks into Yamada’s room without knocking.  
“Privacy, ever heard of that?” Yamada asks, sitting on his bed with the manga in his hand.  
“Yeah well, stop wandering into my room and taking my manga.” Chihiro answers before sitting down on Yamada’s bed.  
“Misaki’s.” Yamada says, waving the manga in front of Chihiro.  
“Nope, this one is mine.” Chihiro says. “Chat?”  
“Do I have to break someone’s arm?” Yamada laughs.  
“We’re gonna talk about you.” Chihiro says, patting his legs.  
“What about me.” Yamada sighs.  
“Well Saya said...”  
“No doubt Saya-san started with a ‘Yuri said...’.” Yamada interrupts. Chihiro whacks him round the back of his head with the manga. “Sorry. Saya-san said...”  
“Saya said that you are having problems with Yuto.” Chihiro says.  
“‘Having problem’ implies that there is something to start a problem with someone.” Yamada says. “There’s no one and nothing for me to start so there is no problem.”  
“There’s nothing.” Chihiro presses, Yamada nods. “Nothing at all.”  
“Nothing.” Yamada says and nods his head.  
“Excellent.” Chihiro smiles. Yamada looks at him because that is not the reaction he was expecting. “That is exactly what Chinen told Saya too. I am glad we are on the same page.”  
“I really don’t like how Chinen talks to his sister about me, and then Saya-san tells you all about it afterwards. I trust Chinen who probably told Saya-san in confidence.” Yamada says.  
“Problem shared is problem halved.” Chirhiro says.  
“What is stopping you from telling okasan and odousan? You know how much okasan likes Yuto.”  
“Sibling secrecy.” Chihiro answers. “Just like you haven’t told okasan and odousan about my boyfriend, or my ex-boyfriends, for that matter. And it’s not just okasan by the way, Misaki thinks Yuto is absolutely gorgeous.”  
“He is.” Yamada sighs. Chihiro throws one of Yamada’s plush toys at him.  
“Stop looking so dreamy.” Chihiro says. “You’re acting as if you’re falling in love.”  
“I am not.”  
“Your face is not convincing.” She answers.

Yamada grabs all his plush toys from his bed and throws them all at Chihiro who rushes out of his room with a laugh. Misaki runs to Yamada’s room to see what is happening, nearly knocked over by Chrihiro and gets hit by one of the plush toys square on her face. She lets of a squeak before throwing the plush toy back at Yamada. 

“What’s happening?” His mother shouts from downstairs.  
“Nothing!” the three of them shout back before starting to throw plush toys at each other in silence. 

*

Yamada is not aware that there is an equestrian school in the middle of Tokyo until the ten of them has finished filming and Yuto has asked to be dropped off there.  
The nine of them are in complete awe when the car stops in front of the equestrian school.

“You are learning how to ride a horse?” Inoo asks. “Why?”  
“Okada-kun once said, ‘if you’re not doing anything then you might as well make the most of your free time to learn something’.” Yuto answers, picking up his bag and jumping off the bus. “Maybe this will come in handy one day, if I ever get to film a historical drama.” With that, he slides shut the minibus door and walks into the equestrian school as if it’s his home.  
“That was possibly the longest sentence he’s ever said for at least the last month.” Chinen says.  
“When did Yuto start to learn how to horseback ride?” Dai-chan asks.  
“About the same time when he takes up extra drumming lessons, I think?” Yabu answers, flicking through a magazine at the back. They all look at him as he narrows his eyes at them all. “Tegoshi said if I am the oldest of the clan, I need to actually act like one. I know EXACTLY what’s happening in all your lives.”  
“Equestrian is a very English aristocrat thing to do.” Keito answers.  
“Rich kids.” Yuya jokes.  
“Is he trying to master Bugei Juhappan?” Hikaru asks. They all look at him, lost. “You know, the eighteen different types of combat techniques and corollary arts used by the samurai of Tokugawa-era Japan?”  
“Try convincing Johnny-san to let Yuto get close to a gun.” Ryutaro smirks.  
“Try convincing Johnny-san to let Yuto get close to anything that’s got a blade is hard enough, let alone a gun.” Chinen answers.

*

It's an accident that Yuto decided to take up horseback riding.  
When he was small, he parents always take him away for two holidays (at least) a year. Summer with the grandparents by the sea, eating and catching your own fish, learning how to snorkel and swim, Winter in Karuizawa skiing with terrible helmet hair. One of the summers, when Raiya was still quite little, he fell ill during the holidays and whilst his parents are tending to Raiya, his grandparents distract Yuto by taking him to a patting zoo, and he fell in love with one of the activities he did.  
Horseback riding.  
He only did it once, but he remembered the feeling so well.  
So when Okada said he needs to equip himself for his future (after seeing him sitting in JUMP's room doing his homework whilst everybody seemed to be off doing something), he did not even hesitate when one of the suggestions was horseback riding.  
Yuto is completely knackered, having spent about two hours on a horseback and another two hours cleaning the horse and the stable. He is waiting for his train and playing on his phone when someone taps him on the shoulder. 

“Yabu-kun?” Yuto says. “What are you doing here?”  
“I needed Hikaru to help me with some stuff in uni.” Yabu answers. Hikaru is at the kiosk getting something to eat. “Second opinion and all that. And you know Hikaru is good with thinking outside the box.”  
“So late?”  
“Well, we aren’t all geniuses.” He smiles.  
“Not even you?” Yuto laughs. “Aren’t you the top of the class?” Yabu shrugs.  
“Ne Yuto.” Yabu says, looking straight ahead at the train tracks. “Do you know why I pen so many tracks?” Yuto looks up to Yabu and shakes his head. “I can never find the right words when I speak, and a lot of the time I can’t express myself because there isn’t enough time for me to say what I want to say because everybody in JUMP is so quick witted. So I write them down. Words, phases. And eventually link them all together and it becomes lyrics.”  
“But the song...”  
“A song is only a melody without words. Melody only becomes a song when there are lyrics associating with it.” Yabu says. “You know Akanishi-kun’s song, ‘Care’?” Yuto nods. “The words were written way before the melody. I remember when he wrote the words. The melody came, and many people questioned if the lyrics should be going into a melody that is not a ballad. But it worked, no?” Yuto nods. “What I am trying to say is, write lots and lots. Express yourself through words if you don’t want to talk. It takes the burden and the pressure off your shoulder, and you will feel alive again.”  
Yuto isn’t quite sure what Yabu meant, and he is about to ask him when Hikaru turns around, and he is holding 3 cans of coffee and walking towards the two of them.  
“Coffee.” Hikaru says.  
“Thank you.” The two of them answers.  
“Yuto, I have a question for you.” Hikaru says. Yuto looks at him. “Are you trying to master Bugei Juhappan?”  
“The what?” Yuto asks.  
“You don’t know the Bugei Juhappan?” Hikaru shouts, and everybody on the platform looks at him. Yabu and Yuto both ‘shh’ him.  
“I have no idea what you are talking about.” Yuto answers.  
“I don’t think anybody know what Bugei Juhappan is.” Yabu laughs. The three of them steps onto the train, and Yuto stays close to the window. Yabu and Hikaru are discussing something about JUMP and Yuto just blanks out the whole conversation, thinking about what he should do with Yamada.  
Dinner is ready when they get to the share house, Yamada is very much still cooking with Keito and Dai-chan being told what to do. He throws his bag into his room when his notepad falls out of his bag and opens to the page where he has scribbled lots of words. Maybe he should try and put all the words together in the notepad.

*

Yamada nearly drops his phone when he sees Yuto’s name next to “lyricist” on the song that just got sent from the manager.  
Yuto has written lyrics to a song for their album and no one knows about it.  
Or maybe everybody knows about it, except for him.  
Everybody knows Hikaru has been working really hard on his songs, as well as working with Yabu on “Score” and Yabu has also written the lyrics to “Dreamer”. Inoo has been trying to record the piano track and Keito has recorded the guitar track for Hikaru’s songs. He has been whinging about needing to finish the lyrics (when he was stupid enough to says ‘yes’ to being involved in writing), and of course Chinen hands in the most perfectly written lyrics within two days (rumour has it he wrote it in a span of 20 minutes – during a break time in school) of being told he has to write (and Ryutaro banging away on the tambourine). Yuya has finished his lyrics years ago and it was one of the first songs that they recorded, and Dai-chan had too much fun arranging it with Yuya and they even have a dance-mix of that song (That doesn’t come out of their heads), which of course, prompts him to not finish recording his vocals yet.  
No one ever mentions Yuto.  
Not even once.  
Admittedly it might be the fact that Yuto isn’t really talking to anybody, hence they don’t know what he is doing or what he has been up to (except for horseback riding and going to school, filming with them and recording with them).  
But writing lyrics to a song?  
And Yamada just wants to cry when he sees the words.

“Aneki.” Yamada says, walking into Chihiro and Misaki’s room without knocking.  
“What’s wrong?” She asks, suddenly alert and pats her bed to signal Yamada to sit down. He falls onto her bed and curls himself up into a little ball next to Chihiro.  
“I think I am in love.” He sighs.  
“I told you.” Chihiro says, patting his soft brown hair. “I have a word for you.”  
“What?”  
“Unrequited.” Chihiro smiles and quickly put both her hands over Yamada’s wrists and half sit on top of him to stop him from attacking her. “But from what Yuri told Saya, I think it’s a two way thing, it’s only a matter of time before Yuto admits that he LOVES you.”  
“You think so?”  
“I know so.”


End file.
